melor here i come

today is the day me, abib, olid and ancak travel back to kuantan.....which is olid home..... on tuesday is the day that we estimated that we will go back to Melor...... dad, umi and amak have alread gone to pening this afternoon......

so, Melor....... Here I Come..... !!!!!

Sedey nyer.... Abis dah?

em..... feel like it just yesterday....... argh.... i have done my practical.... now i don't have to go there anymore.... but, why i feel very empty??? all my friend celebrates it.... but why don't i....

as for my memories with all the staff i have work with.... i got some of their picture taken on the last day.... the day before, ma give us souvenirs as a thank you for being with education department.... ma also give us special card... but... i will open it on the first raye....... some kind of surprise for me.... *wink*...

it is a big shock for all of us..... ma resign.... n me finish my practical.... both at the same day.... the date 27 september 2008 is a history for us..... i though she will be there till next month.... major shock to pa, obviously... who will be alone after nina finish her practical....

Ilia will be in few weeks before nina finish... and she have to learn extremely fast in order to catch up with education department works.. if not... the office will be up side down......Good luck to you ilia....

Now i just have to done my report.... present it and go for my last semester of diploma....

GOOD LUCK TO ME........!!!

HAppy Bidday Habib!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HABIB

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE BROTHER!!!!

wish you all the best for your tests!!!!

Specially for you, from:

-UR SIS-

FINAL DECISION!!!

So, after a long period of time full of confusion and unknowing.... finally, i have clear all the mess in my mind.

I have been in a deep depression for this ultimate decision. My brother keep saying i should go with dad,but as usual, i will fight back.. i argue with him in the phone saying i'm not going there..(while,actually, i'm saying in this blog that i'll follow him)...hahaha.... the mouth fight turn to be... me keep all i wanted to say and just shut my mouth... not a single word.... and eventually my tears drops... DEPRESSION!!!!

Exactly the next day.... i have to go to his house cause, dad cannot take me home....so, when i arrived there... WOW! what a BIG SURPRISE...... kak long is home.... and why i'm not surprise when she said "we just talk bout you just now....." and there goes the same thing...... forcing me follow him n pity dad, no one want to follow him...bla...bla...bla......thank GOD i've my recorder......so, i don't actaully listen to them.... i just heard them.... but eventually i stuck in my head also....... so what?? JUST LET IT BE THAT WAY....

So, it turn up that i don't have to say what i feel... cause what i feel doesn't important for them... it would be the best for me to shut my mouth, right???

Dad said it is ok for not following him.... but, it take me few days to make my decision....... and because of my heart said that she want to be with people who can make me happy and smile.... so i change my mind and go to melor for this year raye.....!!!!(^_^).....

This would be a good/bad memory......... so be it.... don't care don't mind...... no more depression....

Recently i feel like my body does not as usual.... i kept feeling like i loss my breath, like there is not enough air, plus, dizziness......maybe because of my hemoglobin level is low... but.... few days before and today i feel great pain below my stomach... my friend said that it might be appendic... but.... that impossible... well, i know what i ate... and my diet is really strange but, for sure not appendic...because i really REALLY really cautious about what i eat and drink....although i doesn't really like supplement....but, for sure i take enough nutrients needed for my body through food....

Owh well.... it is very late now.....

-CoNfUSE-

So, please tell me.... what should i do?
Right now.... all i can think is... 50/50....for me melor equal to "mama", and penang equal to "umi"..... the truth.... i will chose mama of course.......i wanna go to melor, but, at the same time, i dont wanna make him broken even more... i know i'm not the best daughter... even yet,... the worst daughter he have ever had!!! Doesn't have to denied it... and don't even try to make me feel better, cause i know who am i... and truly to change it is not easy... maybe people say he/she need something that can boost his/her enthusiasm to change... then, by then he/she will change.... Right now, i really don't know what to do.... if i go with them, then i'll be happy (maybe/maybe not), but, he will be sad....at the other side, if i go with him... them i'll be feeling like it's not fair to me and all....PLUS, i'm not really into the other side....(if u know what i mean...they don't even care about us...so why should i???) PLUSSS, i know if i go there, i will be doing thing that they dont even like... i know it would be only 3 days.... but for me 3 days of sacrifice and 3 days of happiness.... i think it would be better 3 days of sacrifice....

i know it would break all of their heart... but what can i do... V is correct.... if they cannot understand what you feel, i guess better we just kept it inside... PLUS, somehow i know this would be mama decision also....

till now, i still remember me n mama cooking... she cook the dishes, meanwhile i help her and i cook the vegetables.... a lot of vegetables... i remember... i will follow her wherever she go...

Waking up i see that everything is ok
the first time in my life and it's so great
slowing down i look around and i'm so amazed
i think about the little thing that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
this is the best feeling
this innocence is brilliant
i hope that it would stay
this moment is perfect
please don't go away
i need you now
and i will hold on to it don't you let it pass you by....
i found a place so safe not a single tear
the first time in my life and now it's so clear
feel calm, i belong, i'm so happy here
it's so strong and now i let myself be sincere...

i also still remember the time before she go away, far from me...
i remember how i trying very hard not to accept that she have leave me forever.....

The days feel like years when i'm alone when i'm alone
and the bed where you lie is made up on your side
when you walk away i count the step that you take
do you see how much i need you right now?

When you're gone
the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you're gone
the face i came to know is missing too
when you're gone
the word i need to hear that always get me through the day
and make it ok
i miss you.....


So, basically, YES, i haven't leave her... n i dont think i will....cause she mean a lot to me....
i know it would be very hard to just have 3 days of boredom there...when it suppose to be 3 days of joy with family....
i just dont understand both of them....actually i dont understand her!!! what does she put first and last?? and him also???? dont say u r happy when we all are sad???
yes u can't make everyone happy at the same time.... so why dont u try find an alternative for it??? we have give one of it...... why don't you even try to ask them??? and draw to conclusion easily???? you only think of yourself...... and he only think of her.... he does not think of us.... maybe you do think of us... but not totally....

i wanna ask which one is more important?? going to penang cause they does not relatively close to their own family in kelantan...
or going to kelantan and try to cut off the distant??

and one more thing.... what would you chose?
going to penang cause there all wanna celebrate there (selfishly)....
or going to kelantan cause it is the turn for celebrate raye in kelantan???


and he can't even think of that!!!!

maybe she does not close with kelantan's family, but, does that mean we have to celebrate only there cause she the only one does not close with us???
So, what about us... we are also not really close with them... but we do try, right?? we do go for raye there first last year... so, what is their problem...

I CAN THINK OF ONE......
SELFISHNESS!!!

oh no!!!

hallu... practical almost over... anyway, i just got mail from my fren... she forward to me mail from my lecturer that said that whoever take mc or what-so-ever have to for the day we are mc's... and oh well.... good news... i have to replace.... wait... 1,2,3,4,5,6,7.... umh..... i forgot already..... it's ok... later i will count the day i take mc's.....hahahah.... what a mess.....so, instead of ending my practical on 21 sep... i will aybe end it on the end of sept.... it would be great u know...??? actually i really miss zoo negara.... if i can stay there forever it would be the best.... i think my passion towards animals is really... i mean really, really strong huh??? ....i guess i have to start thinking of my future.... cause now in my mind i just thinking of zoo... but, i noe i have to finish my study first... so... after all.... what am i going to do whit out any certificate? i have to finish my study first.... NO!!! i MUST finish my study first!!! yeah!!! way to go!!!! em... what to do after that??? em.... with God will.... i thinking of getting married after 2 or 3 years after working... but where will i work then??? that i my biggest question mark is!!!

oh no... i got date with my frends at 2... i have to got... i miss my blog... it is a long time since the last post i send.... and yes i have not tell what kind of surprise that we done for my oldest sister.!!!! i will write it down.... i know i will.... someday....

bubbye...!!!!